Ever wonder why unicorns hobble about in every little girl’s dreams or why just thinking about these ‘magical’ ponies makes you go awww and get mystically turned on? This is a mystery not many PHDs are basing their thesis on.
But trust me they exist. I am dating one.
Professor Utonium stirred his cauldron with sugar, spice and everything nice and he got the power puff girls, well me, I got a unicorn. She smells like flowers that are blooming while I’m typing, her skin – soft as a baby’s bum, she’s as offensive as Donald Trump on Mexicans, witty like an entire season of Suits and she likes no, LOVES Game Of Thrones; and she’s with me. I have no idea why.
Now I was a modest showman in college and she was the girl who sat reading a book cut off from the world in her own personal hot tub which was her imagination. (She still does that when she’s ignoring me after a fight)
In the dark demented forest of what was once my life haunted by my low self-esteem, failure and a broken heart, there was a flash of light, harps blared and out pranced a gorgeous lady dressed in skin tight denims and a red tshirt with polka dot sneakers. Over a glass of orange juice, we had what was the shortest long conversation which was ironically our first. I was floored. Her take on life was frighteningly similar to mine. I imagined a shiny horn on her forehead as this unicorn whisked me away as she sipped her extra sweet orange juice.
What followed were some of the most memorable dates that involved stupid arguments, intense debates on Coldplay vs Ed Sheeran, insane mouth sucks and an understanding that revels Oprah Winfrey’s. She knows more brands than people and I am a nerd who loves to talk. She used to be polite and plastic to people but today she is a freaking Jedi who will call you slap you into place if you mess with her.
Together two years now, my unicorn is just as magical and beautiful as she was the day I met her. She makes my problems magically disappear with a weave of her horn of ultimate wisdom. We fight, we make up, get on each other’s nerves at times, forget it all and hug it out. She’s worth fighting for and fun fighting with and most of all a blessing to be with. I get to cuddle with my unicorn and as she talks me to sleep with stories about her adventures which are mostly about Jason Momoa (I hope he dies in Justice League).
So yes Unicorns do exist. I have mine. Go find yours.